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About Literature / Hobbyist dreamersechoUnited Kingdom Groups :iconstorywriters: StoryWriters
Making Fantasy, Reality~
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All my life I’ve been told to pull myself together- that people have it worse than me. I’m aware of that. So while you’re out trying to find the one person on earth you think deserves to be upset, who doesn’t have it better than anyone else, I’ll eliminate one who does. The problem with most people like me is that they’re dismissed. We’re told to ‘buck up’, ‘just get on with it’, ‘distract ourselves’ and such. But there comes a point where ‘getting over it’ is too difficult. Problems lie on top of each other like a wall, and that wall becomes too high to get over. So what happens then? When you stop being able to constantly climb over the wall? Breakdown. And when that happens? It’s a shock, because we can’t possibly have anything worth getting so upset about. When you can’t stop hysterically crying at the though of college in the morning? What on earth could have brought this on? When you lock yourself in the bathroom with a pair of scissors and no capacity to care anymore? Overdramatic. When you don’t want to talk? You’re selfish. When you can’t concentrate on your schoolwork? Lazy. When you don’t want the nineteenth appointment? Unappreciative.

I’m sick of adjectives. Sick of ‘overdramatic’, and ‘selfish’, and ‘lazy’, and ‘unappreciative’. Because I think them about myself. They swirl around my head like a thick black mud in water and they’re all I can hear. I know that I’m these things, and I hate it. I don’t want them to describe me. Because who I am; who I should be, isn’t sat on his own in the school toilets crying because some teacher said he needed to improve his effort. He doesn’t hate himself for things he can’t help thinking. He’s not trapped in his head, trying desperately not to let anyone know he wants to cry. He doesn’t feel the need to apologise all the time, and he lets things go. He’s not needy, and clingy, and irritating, and he doesn’t overcompensate on his shitty personality and anxiety issues by acting like an overconfident dick.
But the ‘real’ me doesn’t exist. Because mental illness swallows things. Different diagnoses overlap and phase each other out until you’re not entirely sure what exactly is going on in your brain. Not that you ever were in the first place. I’m sick of the help. Please, give it to someone that will appreciate it. That wants it. Who it will help. Because I’m way past it now. And I’m sorry I couldn’t let you help me.

My wall’s too high now, you see? I can’t get over it. So I’m smashing through it. With a fucking sledgehammer. Even if I don’t make it through- and that’s kind of the idea, at least the wall’s gone.
Wall's Too High- Monologue
Don't let me do things like this. This is Ryan and he's not a happy bunny. 
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Honey, I ain’t ready to love you,
But I’m ready to look at you smile,
Watch the light in your eyes before it flickers and dies,
I’m ready to watch for a while.

Honey, I ain’t ready to love you,
But I’m ready to dance in the rain,
I’m ready to hold you and let you cry,
And help you forget all that pain.

Honey, I ain’t ready to love you,
But I’m ready to do all that stuff,
Because our definitions of love are so different,
And you’ve already been through enough.
I ain't ready
People have different definitions of love.
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  • Mood: Angsty
  • Watching: Hetalia
If anyone can transcribe music by ear, I am in desperate need of your help for my Lamda exam. But aside from that- I hate this update, politics are silly, and I am in love with Natalie Dormer.
  • Mood: Angsty
  • Watching: Hetalia
If anyone can transcribe music by ear, I am in desperate need of your help for my Lamda exam. But aside from that- I hate this update, politics are silly, and I am in love with Natalie Dormer.

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dreamersecho

Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
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:iconnightdwarf:
NightDwarf Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2015  Hobbyist
Thank you for the faves! :D 
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:iconangelqueen13:
AngelQueen13 Featured By Owner May 3, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Thank you so much for the :+devwatch: !
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:icondreamersecho:
dreamersecho Featured By Owner May 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
No problem- I absolutely adore your art!
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:iconflipation:
flipation Featured By Owner May 1, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Thanks for the :+fav:!
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:icondreamersecho:
dreamersecho Featured By Owner May 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
No problem 
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:iconwargrincain:
WargrinCain Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2014
I think this is the best place for me to thank you back (for the watch that is ofc) :)
Keep up your work :D (Big Grin) 
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:icontsuki-nekota:
Tsuki-Nekota Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2014  Student General Artist
Thanks for the watch! :icongaywinkplz:~:heart:
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:icondreamersecho:
dreamersecho Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
No problem! I am utterly besotted with your work :XD:
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:icontsuki-nekota:
Tsuki-Nekota Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2014  Student General Artist
:iconyuisheepishplz:
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:iconnightdwarf:
NightDwarf Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2014  Hobbyist
Thank you for the Llama and watch! :D 
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